You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
