Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
