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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
