I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
