Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
