I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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