is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
