Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize