Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
