And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize