these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
