Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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