The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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