they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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