it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
