do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We left an ass print on the piano.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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