How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
