Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
