I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize