Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
