no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dignity is for republicans.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
