I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
