dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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