can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
