My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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