I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
