dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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