I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
