3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
