feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
