Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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