She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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