he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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