I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
