No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
