Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I understand Curling. That high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
