just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
