I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She announced her abortion via fbk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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