guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
