i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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