Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
