No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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