whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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