we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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