i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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