i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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