I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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