Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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