If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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