I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize