we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize