I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
