took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
