"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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