You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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