I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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