honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
