I could make wine with my vomit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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