Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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