I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
