well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
