In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
