i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
