it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
