she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
