So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize