Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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