dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
