I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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