she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she peed on how many people?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize