But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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