He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize