i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
