My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
